Musing on Fetishes with Perspective

Musing on Fetishes with Perspective

by Helmut Domagalski

Fetishes and kinks, as evidenced by the observed world, are naturally occurring and represent yet another way in which we humans can vary from one another. 

It’s of no surprise that in a modern society marked by tech-enabled, eased living and information sharing, humans can give more time, thought and attention to developing and exploring these areas of their being.  In all fairness, when you remove stigma given to them by culture and religion, they are simply means by which people find heightened pleasure and enjoyment – which is indeed a good thing.

Like any good thing (eating, resting, working), one must always consider a balance in the degree to which we participate in any behavior.  Ultimately, as it must not impair our function in other aspects of our live, it must not harm others, and it must not harm ourselves, mentally or physically.

Its my belief that a life well led does not center itself on any given aspect – health, intellectual pursuits, spirituality, relationship, our work, and yes are sex, are all dimensions in which we can invest, explore, learn, grow, and impact the world around us.

One of my greater concerns as I look at the gay community, is our exoneration and focus on sex.  I say that because it tears being “gay” down to simply what we prefer in a bedroom.  I believe that often society, often spurned by religion and the basic instinct to procreate to drive the growth of a tribe, simply focused on gay attractions leading ultimately to a sexual act that was non-traditional and resulted in no offspring.  However, there is so very much more associated to our attractions than just the sexual dimension.

Gay peoples often allow our society to focus us greatly on the sexual aspect (and youthful hormones of course encourage this).  Thus, we focus intensely on what is it we like in the bedroom and what we find is, yes, we may have a variety of fetishes and kinks!

What is great about this is that we share these fetishes and kinks, indeed, with many in the straight community who similarly have self-discovered their way into what they prefer in this dimension of their lives.  In a very real way, these intersecting communities are an important group of people who can understand, inform, and encourage each other to live healthy, shame-free existences.  This is to be celebrated and I am thankful we continue to de-shame and de-mystify ourselves in this aspect of life!

Two final thoughts on this topic for your consideration:

  1. Communication with yourself and with others about sexuality is not always easy.  We are shrouded by imagery and messages in a culture where advertisers prey on our healthy sexual desires to promote scenarios and associations that sell products, lifestyles, and futures.  Removing these strongly influential voices to discover yourself is not easy.  And finding the courage to speak openly and honestly with a partner about what you want to explore is important – as its only thru honesty that we are known.  I encourage our dolls to seek their best sexual selves and to be true to themselves – not what you think you are supposed to be doing or enjoying, or what you supposed others might expect of you – even in the gay world.
  • Remember that most of our lives are far longer than 35 years, as we have life expectancies that can push us up to 85, 90 and more.  Enjoy your youth, enjoy your bodies, but don’t forget that vanity and a hyper focus on sex can steal other great opportunities from you if you don’t ensure that other dimensions of your life are invested in.  What is your character like?  How deeply are you connected – truly connected – to your friends and family? Do you invest in your mind and body for health?  Do you seek to give back to others and to the environment?  What is your financial plan?  None of these things are specifically gay, but all these things are human – and we don’t want to lose sight of the reality that we are on a continuum even when we are young.  Its also exciting to consider, that those fetishes and kinks will still be available when we are older.  As I understand, some retirement communities are a pretty great time!

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